Hello world… or just me!

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It’s happened!

I’ve been thinking about doing this for such a long time and it has finally materialised. I have started a blog. I have a blog. I have my own page on the internet and it’s something that I can search by typing some letters into a box and people can find it and read it. And that’s the whole point isn’t it? So people can find it, and read it.

And form opinions. And judge, and stalk from afar- like on any other kind of social media that make people look like the happy food loving, people loving, university/ work loving, coffee date loving, travelling loving, beach loving, partying loving individuals that they undoubtedly are. #blessed (for all you instagrammers out there!)

The thing that finally drove me to take the plunge and create this is the self made promise that I won’t tell anyone about it. Because I’m scared of being open to judgement. So many people think I don’t care. That’s not true, I fear other people judging me just as anyone does (even though it’s a little pathetic and I know that myself). That’s why I only ever post funny statuses and captions. Because that’s what I like people to know me as. Funny, life loving and carefree.

And don’t get me wrong, new blog of mine… I really am all those things. Except that is only one side of me. The other side of me is a deep deep thinker. She has kept a diary since she was 8 years old. She often doubts things like God and religion. She worries about the future, and struggles to cope with uncertainty. She’s insecure too. She wants to travel… sometimes she craves the freedom of being able to go somewhere, then decide to pick up her bags and leave to go somewhere else. She loves people- people are her life. Her family. Her friends. People that she doesn’t even know… she can sometimes find herself connecting with. She’s also self obsessed, thinks a lot of how she is and how others view her. In short, she cares, but likes to come off as though she cares very little.

Which is why, for now, this blog can remain a secret between me… and me. And then maybe one day when I care a little less I can let the world take a peek into what goes on inside my mind.

But why so serious for a first post?! After all, I’m new to this whole blogging scene right… so I might as well publish a quick easy and ‘readable’ (ha) something about myself. You know, an introduction.

Here are 20 facts about me. The real me. Not the me that people see on Facebook and Instagram. Or even in person.

1. I was born in Kerala in South India. I get annoyed with people (especially Indians- sorry!) who don’t know where that is because that’s ignorant. And ignorance and patriotism simply don’t mix. It’s right at the tip of India where it practically touches the equator. It’s full of palm trees and gorgeous beaches with muggy, hot days and torrentially rainy days. I love it.

2. I’ve moved around a lot in my life. I started off in India and moved to the UK when I turned 5. Since then I’ve been in Essex, Edinburgh, Liverpool, Preston and finally settled in a pretty little city in the North West of England, called Lancaster.

3. I’m particularly gifted with accents. I think it’s to do with all the moving around.

4. I study Medicine at the University of Birmingham. I’m just coming up to the end of my third year. I have mixed feelings about my degree… and about medics as a species. But mostly, I love it.

5. My family are my world. If you watch Superwoman videos and click on ‘Types of Parents’, mine are ‘Cool Cats’. I went to hell and back building what I have with them, but it’s safe to say I would probably bail on my friends, just to hang out with my mum and dad.

6. I have a little sister who is 10 years old. She’s the light of my life.

7. I went to Cambodia on a volunteering trip to an Orphanage when I was 19 and it sparked a wanderlust inside me to see things and more than anything to meet people from more places and also to volunteer as much as I can. The lust has peaks and troughs these days but it’s still left a sensation inside me that hasn’t quite left.

8. Even though I’m desperate to travel, and I tell everyone I’m going to travel after Medicine and only think about settling and marriage and children (all of which I want), when I’m just short of 30… every time I see a baby I turn into mush and my uterus starts screaming at me to make irrational life choices, which I thankfully haven’t yet acted on.

9. I’m a worrier… but a positive worrier. I worry over things I can’t control because I think that by thinking and rethinking, I can solve some problems. But often I can’t. I’m trying to work on this part of myself. However, my default setting is HAPPY. I love being happy. I strive for happiness in whatever I do.

10. I love food. The only 2 foods I don’t like are brussel sprouts and goat’s cheese. I keep trying to ease myself into the sprouts but they’re so bitter. And the cheese just tastes like sweat and vomit. I’m sorry- but how do you eat that?

11. Paris is my favourite city in the world. When I was younger I wanted to work as a waitress in a cafe in Paris. I even have an A level in French… who knows. If Medicine doesn’t work out for me…

12. Speaking of A levels… I was the greatest nerd at school. I got straight A*s in my GCSEs and A levels (except Chemistry, those transition metals totally messed with my brain and I got an A which I’ve only just forgiven myself for. I know that makes me a twat, so I won’t say anymore on the subject)
And then all hell broke loose and I made it to medschool… I now proudly sit very near the bottom of the pile in my medical school. And I am pretty happy with that. Everyone knows that the lowest deciles make the greatest doctors.

13. I like to think of myself as a strong, independent, ambitious and hardworking girl. I hate negative things and try to learn as much as I can from my mistakes. I want to mould myself into a happy, positive, capable person and that refining process is only just beginning.

14. I love Sean Paul. I actually think he’s really fit with his braids and I think his smile is insanely sexy. No one else really shares this though so I keep the ‘fit’ part to myself. But the minute ‘Get Busy’ comes on in a club… can we clear the floor please.

15. Gin is both my best friend and my worst enemy.

16. TEA. I LOVE TEA. And chai with proper cardamom, boiled in a pan. I love making it for my family and I love making it on the stove in Kerala when I go back because all the milk bubbles and boils and then the water and it’s almost too sweet and hot but also not. It makes you sweat out the heat even more and you need to go and cool off with a cold pail and water shower.

17. I wish I had the willpower to go completely vegetarian because I think it’s the right thing to do… but Nando’s.

18. I believe in God. But not the God that judges you based on actions in this single life we have and then decides your eternal fate. I don’t think much of life after death and I don’t know much about reincarnation. But I do believe that God is a spirit that resides within all of us and sometimes prayer to something external is only there to make us connect better to the spirit that is already inside is. The Atman is a drop of water in the Brahman that is the ocean.

19. The thought of ghosts freak me out although I’ve never seen one and don’t exactly believe in them but if you ever talk to me about them, I probably won’t sleep.

20. I wish more than anything that my stomach was flat as an ironing board. But I don’t have the willpower to sort it out so I just sort of let it wobble and I’m slowly learning to embrace it. Should probably join a gym.

Now, I should be studying and that isn’t what I’m doing- but hey, I’ve started on this blogging journey now and I’m excited for it! Let’s do this.

Love, hugs & happiness

Gowri xxxxxxxx

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